Never before has erectile dysfunction been so openly discussed in our society. It appears in everything from news reports and comedy sketches to national advertising campaigns. “But ironically, it’s still very difficult for many couples to talk about sex, and especially to talk about erection problems,” says Brian Zamboni, PhD, a clinical psychologist specializing in human sexuality at the University of Minnesota.
That’s too bad. For most couples, talking about erection difficulties is the first step toward treating them -- and enjoying better sex. A few simple strategies can help you communicate more easily.
Find a Comfortable Way to Approach the Subject
If you feel hesitant about starting the conversation with your partner, spend some time by yourself preparing your approach. If it helps, rehearse your opening and then choose a time and place that feels comfortable.
“Sometimes the best way to start is by acknowledging that this isn’t an easy subject to talk about,” says Louanne Cole Weston, PhD, a sex therapist in private practice in California. “You might say, ‘This is a little embarrassing, but I seem to be having some problems in the erection department.’ Of course your partner may bring up the subject before you do. Then your job is to make her or him comfortable.”
Be Open and Supportive
When problems happen in the bedroom, emotions can run high. If you’ve begun avoiding sex for fear of not getting an erection, your partner may begin to think you no longer find them attractive. Feelings get hurt. Couples begin to feel less intimate. Resentment creeps in.
“That’s why it’s so important to talk about sexual problems like erectile dysfunction in an open and supportive way,” says Weston. “Say right up front that it’s not a matter of being attracted to your partner. Reassure your partner that he or she is still attractive to you.”